PIXIE WATCH BRINGS YOU… ‘Food for Thought’ by Mistress HelusI don’t mind admitting it; I’m a bit of a bloater. My excess weight doesn’t bother me, I’m proud to be the weight I am. I’m going to get a t-shirt printed with ‘Fat and Proud’. I’m celebrating my girth.
Skinny girls wonder how I can be best buddy with my blubber? Unlike the size 18 health freaks, I’ve got myself a real man, someone who likes a large lump of lard in his love nest. Not one of these sizest men who come from my town – I’ve got myself a Pixie!
My Pixie, Kweiziugug, likes my folds of flesh. He says it gives him more options in the bedroom. He’s really adventurous. He says my body is a temple, and every room needs to be explored. I will never go back to dating humans again! I’ve never had much luck with humans. When I was only a size 28 I managed to date one. He took me to a restaurant where the portions were tiny, and then I had to go to McRabies to get some proper food. The prejudiced beast wouldn’t take me out again due to my ample proportions. That’s discrimination! My Kweiziugug isn’t like that; he’s romantic. He likes to take me to the Greasy Spoon just off the old Roman Road. Kweiziugug loves to watch me eat. The sight of grease sliding down my chins does it for him. At the Greasy Spoon we can stay from dawn till dusk. There’s nothing more romantic than watching the moon come up over a bucket of chicken wings.
Due to my increasing waistline, me and Kweiziugug don’t get out as much as we’d like to. The other day he found a tractor lying around some bit of industrial land, which he used to give me a treat. He drove me in the tractor’s bucket to our local McRabies Drive Thru for a bin full of tasty McDung Burgers. Sadly, our snack was spoiled when a builder turned up and demanded his tractor back. Someone at McRabies called the Police, who turned up en masse. They asked the builder what the problem was. The man told them a sob story about needing the tractor for his construction work. The Police took immediate action and threw the Pixiest fiend into the back of their van. About eight officers jumped in after him. By the booting sounds he must have resisted arrest. The brave Police soon sorted him.
The builder was arrested for Pixial hatred - sizeism in this case. The Courts declared that it was a shameful display of Pixism for the builder to demand return of the tractor – it showed he didn’t welcome Pixies into this dimension – this was tantamount to incitement to genocide. The Prime Minister made a visit to the local McRabies to show solidarity with the Pixies in the area. He pushed for a change in the law to make all human property available free to Pixies to combat prejudice. The despicable builder was beheaded as an example to all who exhibited symptoms of the disease of Pixism which leads directly tom sizeism. I thought this wasn’t enough. On appeal his entire family were beheaded.
The law was changed to make all human women eat more under the Pixie-positive initiative “Slimness is Prejudice – Tolerance is Grotesque”.
Quite right too. I’m now even larger. It takes many Pixies to service my ever increasing Pixie-friendly love folds. I love multidimensionalism!
