by Mr Stisel Shuls
Pixies damned Pixies! It seems everywhere I go these pesky devils are lurking, waiting in the shadows, conspiring to make my day that bit worse.
Only this morning I was munching on a lightly salted bagel when out of my window I saw a gang of pixies digging up my lawn. I ran out to see just what the hell they were doing only to be very rudely told to get back in my house as they were taking my garden. I couldn't believe the chutzpah of these creatures. I went back indoors and rang the Police to say Pixies were ripping up my lawn and refusing to leave.
The Police were round to my house in a shot. For a moment all my faith in the legal system was restored. For a moment!
A riot van screeched into my drive and half a dozen burly coppers jumped out. The officer in charge went over to the Pixies and after a brief chat came back and told me that the Pixies were victims of persecution from the evil Gnomes and had travelled many miles to my garden. Furthermore I would have to get a gardener in to tidy up my flower bed so the new-comers could have somewhere for their pets to roam. I would also have to plant some special herbs as this was part of their culture - as they had no money I would have to pay.
I was a bit miffed by this. I told the officer this was my garden and no way was I going to let a load of uninvited freeloaders take it from me. 'Why should I pay for these Pixie parasites?' I asked, 'Why do they always have to come here? Why can't they stop upsetting the Gnomes and stay where they belong?'
I realise now that honestly asking questions which my neighbours were too scared to ask was a mistake. The Police grabbed me and bundled me roughly into the van. I was told that I was a Pixie-hater and would have to pay for my criminal attitude. I now have to go on a Pixie awareness course so I can learn to embrace the enrichment these magical folk have brought into my life. I'll also have to get a second job to pay for the new Pixie temple which is to be built in the old compost heap!
